Since I was 13 years old I have read almost every Robin Jones Gunn book out there, with the exception of the Sisterchicks series of book. I had never gone beyond the back of the book because they are written about and geared towards older women, and at 13 and 14 I just wasn't interested. Because I have so much time on my hands at work, I have read almost every book I own, even re-read a few. I keep an eye out for books that I might possibly read that I can buy for some pocket change (typically used books, but who cares as long as they are still readable?). I picked up a Sisterchicks book at Goodwill for $0.40 a few months ago and it sat on my shelf...and sat...and sat on the floor (we have been rearranging our room and going through our things). Finally I picked it up a couple days ago while I was rushing out the door to head to work. I still wasn't that interested in it, but it was better then starring at the wall for 5 hours. The biggest reason I had hesitated to read it was because it was still about women who were older than me, in fact another 20 - 30 years older than me! I didn't get very far into the book when I realized the treasure I had come accross. Granted, it is a fictional story, but I prefer Christian fiction with good lessons in a realistic life situation than reading an entire book on Christian Living (I know, I am still trying the Christian Living books though). I finished the book this morning. I cannot believe the messages and lessons that I got out of that book! It was just what I needed right now at this time in my life. God works in amazing ways! The book reminded me of the wisdom and lessons that we can learn from the lives of women who have 20 or 30 years of experiences that I haven't lived yet.
Here are a few key points (and quotes) that I got from the book that I am praying about and asking God to incorperate them into my life.
-"I believe that 90% of our jobs as believers are to just show up." Showing up each and everyday at the feet of the Lord, saying "alright God, I am here, use me."
-"Shame off you" and "Grace on you". Instead of wallowing in shame and self-pity and regret, seeking forgiveness and letting go of the shame and the guilt and focusing on God's grace, letting yourself be covered by "A blanket of grace".
-Hospitality. Showing Christ's love by offering yourself. I will touch more on this later. I left the book in my car and I am still chewing on this one.
-"You are not done yet."
-"Go and feed His sheep." Through out this book these two women discovered the joy and grace of serving. They discovered a new way to serve and encourage other believers in the end of the book. They traveled to women in the missions field in other countries and delievered "grace" to them. They took them "out to laugh", uplifted their spirits by just being there and being a friend. They would go to other countries, visit women and families that they had never met before and spent time with them. They talked, laughed, cried, baked lots of cookies, read the bible, prayed, had fun teasing and hanging out. It doesn't sound like much to us, but to those women in the field, it was what they needed to be themselves again. It helped fill their "joy tanks" back up.
Swinging into a completely different topic. I realized why I have been so anxious lately. Not only was I focused on everything that was not going the way I planned or wanted as I said in my last post, but I am in a place where I cannot do anything but wait. I am in a time of waiting. I hate waiting. I am only patient when I have to be. Patience is not a strong virtue of mine. But I realized yesterday that God has been in a place that He is calling me to wait. I have been praying and asking God for answers, racking my brain for new ideas and solutions and instead of stopping and listening for God's answers, I have just continued to talk and try to move beyond this. But He has answered me, He spoke to my heart with one word: Wait. Here I am now, in a place where I am trying to show up and just wait on the Lord. Its a completely new place for me. I am praying through out the day for God to cover me in "a blanket of grace" and to lead me. Even though I feel like bursting into tears everyday (for different reasons usually, whether its frustration, thankfulness, peace, being frightened, or amazement), I feel myself growing closer and closer to Him. Through my growing in the Lord and falling deeper in love with Him, I feel myself grow closer to my husband and deeper in love with him. I am so thankful. After the rough first 6 months of our marriage, I am so thankful to be in a place where God is drawing us closer to each other through Him. And to think it took so long to get back here. I am working everyday at giving my everything to God. Its hard, I am struggling most days to let everything go and stop holding on. But it feels so much better in the end knowing that God is in charge.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Speaking to My Heart Everyday
Part of me is sitting here trying to figure out what to write. The other part of me tells me I should just be honest and write what is going on in my life, my heart and my mind.
Honestly I would being lying if I said everything was great. Mark and I are finding ourselves in yet another bad car situation. Once again we are driving around another car that is having problems. I know that its just a car, but this is like the fourth car in two years that we have had problems with. Unfortunatly, we are in a situation where we still owe a little bit on the car and now we are possibly looking at a problem that is going to cost close to $1000 to fix (we just dropped $1000 into in about 6 weeks ago). The biggest problem is that we don't have the money to fix it. Mark's hours got cut in half at work and I can't put in anymore hours at my job. We have been trying to save even just a little for awhile, but now we are just scraping by on what we make. We both are looking at trying to find second jobs. But the downside to that is that Mark leaves in four months for basic training and we will never see each other if we get second jobs. And we want to spend as much time together as possible considering we have no idea what is going to happen over the next four years.
I am also struggling with the longing to have our own space and our own home. Its so hard sometimes to just be alone together when there are so many people in one household. I am so grateful to my parents for allowing us to stay with them right now. But I hate being 22 and married and still having to rely on them for a place to live.
I have been struggling a lot with selfishness and letting go. I know that none of these trials are huge and that they are all little things that will eventually work out. But it is so hard for me to not stand here and just yell at God and question Him. I have been humbled so many times this week. I realize that there are people who are worse off then we are, but its so easy to forget. On sunday the sermon was on Job. Job's story in itself is enough to shame anyone feeling sorry for themselves. But then I have been reading lately a lot of random books and bible verses and it always comes back that God's time is His own. Its not my time. I can rant and rave about how old I am and how hard I work and how things should just be coming together after so long and how things are going according to my plan. But thats just it, it isn't about my plan. Its about God's plan. Things are going according to His plan. He isn't pacing back and forth wondering how everything is going to work out. He already knows. Its His plan. So instead of trying to work everything out on my own, I am working on stepping back and just praying. I am working on giving my control issues, my wants, my plans over to God and asking Him to help me seek His plan. I am praying that He opens my eyes to see His answers and solutions, instead of being blinded by what I think should be the answers.
Last night I sat in on the end of my parents' prayer group. Its just them in another couple, but it says in the bible "when two or more are gathered in my name". So I just sat with them and listened to them talk and list prayer requests and then continued to sit while they prayed and silently prayed with them. In those 10 or 20 minutes, God really humbled me. Among those requests where ones for people to be healed that had been sick and thanksgiving for one that had been healed and had not died. Here I was wallowing in stress and self-pity because my car is making a funny noise and someone else had almost lost their life. Another request was for someones friend who has been unemployed for sometime. Here I am complaining that I don't make enough money even though I am scraping by enough to pay my bills and eat when someone else doesn't even know where the money to pay for anything is going to come from. God spoke to my heart and reminded me of all the things I do have.
-I have a wonderful husband who loves me and who is working completely out of everything he has ever know to train to do the hardest thing he has ever had to do.
-I have an amazing family who loves me and parents who are so giving that they would open their home up to me and my husband and give us our very own room to live in.
-I have food to eat, plenty of clothes to wear and a bed to sleep in.
-I am in the best shape of my life and have a husband, a sister, an uncle and even two brothers that have been going on runs with me.
-I have little un-needed pleasures of life such as books, diet coke, internet and movies.
-I have wonderful moments in life where I get to go on dates with my husband.
-Most of all, I have a relationship with the Creator of everything and He loves me and has a plan for my life.
So now, when I start to feel sorry for myself, stress because things aren't working out the way I wanted, things are falling apart or I don't know where to go, I am going to remember Jeremiah 29:11-13 (see below) and Psalm 37:4 (see below). I know that God has a plan and a purpose for me. Even though I have no idea what it is, I keep praying that He will open my blind, human eyes and heart to see the path He has set before me.
Jeremiah 29:11-13
" 'For I know the plans I have for you' declares the Lord. " Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.' "
Psalm 37:4
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."
Quick note: If you think of Mark and I, please pray. We are four months away from Mark leaving for Basic Training with the Marines and signing a four year active duty contract. Everyday we get closer to November 15th and everyday it becomes more and more real to me. I won't deny that I am scared, we don't know what is going to happen after basic. Plus he is going to be gone for so long and I am not sure what I am going to do with myself over the next 4 years when I am alone without him. I just keep praying for strength and know that God is in control and it will all be okay. Please just pray for Mark and I and for strength and peace through all of this. And that God will continue to strengthen Mark's and my relationship through it all.
Honestly I would being lying if I said everything was great. Mark and I are finding ourselves in yet another bad car situation. Once again we are driving around another car that is having problems. I know that its just a car, but this is like the fourth car in two years that we have had problems with. Unfortunatly, we are in a situation where we still owe a little bit on the car and now we are possibly looking at a problem that is going to cost close to $1000 to fix (we just dropped $1000 into in about 6 weeks ago). The biggest problem is that we don't have the money to fix it. Mark's hours got cut in half at work and I can't put in anymore hours at my job. We have been trying to save even just a little for awhile, but now we are just scraping by on what we make. We both are looking at trying to find second jobs. But the downside to that is that Mark leaves in four months for basic training and we will never see each other if we get second jobs. And we want to spend as much time together as possible considering we have no idea what is going to happen over the next four years.
I am also struggling with the longing to have our own space and our own home. Its so hard sometimes to just be alone together when there are so many people in one household. I am so grateful to my parents for allowing us to stay with them right now. But I hate being 22 and married and still having to rely on them for a place to live.
I have been struggling a lot with selfishness and letting go. I know that none of these trials are huge and that they are all little things that will eventually work out. But it is so hard for me to not stand here and just yell at God and question Him. I have been humbled so many times this week. I realize that there are people who are worse off then we are, but its so easy to forget. On sunday the sermon was on Job. Job's story in itself is enough to shame anyone feeling sorry for themselves. But then I have been reading lately a lot of random books and bible verses and it always comes back that God's time is His own. Its not my time. I can rant and rave about how old I am and how hard I work and how things should just be coming together after so long and how things are going according to my plan. But thats just it, it isn't about my plan. Its about God's plan. Things are going according to His plan. He isn't pacing back and forth wondering how everything is going to work out. He already knows. Its His plan. So instead of trying to work everything out on my own, I am working on stepping back and just praying. I am working on giving my control issues, my wants, my plans over to God and asking Him to help me seek His plan. I am praying that He opens my eyes to see His answers and solutions, instead of being blinded by what I think should be the answers.
Last night I sat in on the end of my parents' prayer group. Its just them in another couple, but it says in the bible "when two or more are gathered in my name". So I just sat with them and listened to them talk and list prayer requests and then continued to sit while they prayed and silently prayed with them. In those 10 or 20 minutes, God really humbled me. Among those requests where ones for people to be healed that had been sick and thanksgiving for one that had been healed and had not died. Here I was wallowing in stress and self-pity because my car is making a funny noise and someone else had almost lost their life. Another request was for someones friend who has been unemployed for sometime. Here I am complaining that I don't make enough money even though I am scraping by enough to pay my bills and eat when someone else doesn't even know where the money to pay for anything is going to come from. God spoke to my heart and reminded me of all the things I do have.
-I have a wonderful husband who loves me and who is working completely out of everything he has ever know to train to do the hardest thing he has ever had to do.
-I have an amazing family who loves me and parents who are so giving that they would open their home up to me and my husband and give us our very own room to live in.
-I have food to eat, plenty of clothes to wear and a bed to sleep in.
-I am in the best shape of my life and have a husband, a sister, an uncle and even two brothers that have been going on runs with me.
-I have little un-needed pleasures of life such as books, diet coke, internet and movies.
-I have wonderful moments in life where I get to go on dates with my husband.
-Most of all, I have a relationship with the Creator of everything and He loves me and has a plan for my life.
So now, when I start to feel sorry for myself, stress because things aren't working out the way I wanted, things are falling apart or I don't know where to go, I am going to remember Jeremiah 29:11-13 (see below) and Psalm 37:4 (see below). I know that God has a plan and a purpose for me. Even though I have no idea what it is, I keep praying that He will open my blind, human eyes and heart to see the path He has set before me.
Jeremiah 29:11-13
" 'For I know the plans I have for you' declares the Lord. " Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.' "
Psalm 37:4
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."
Quick note: If you think of Mark and I, please pray. We are four months away from Mark leaving for Basic Training with the Marines and signing a four year active duty contract. Everyday we get closer to November 15th and everyday it becomes more and more real to me. I won't deny that I am scared, we don't know what is going to happen after basic. Plus he is going to be gone for so long and I am not sure what I am going to do with myself over the next 4 years when I am alone without him. I just keep praying for strength and know that God is in control and it will all be okay. Please just pray for Mark and I and for strength and peace through all of this. And that God will continue to strengthen Mark's and my relationship through it all.
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