I realize that I haven't written in a long time. I hadn't realized how long. It is amazing how quickly things in life can change. I look back at where I was in August and can't help but be amazed at how God changes things and moves. The biggest change was Mark's decision to not go into the Marines. It has been a difficult path that we have been walking over the past couple months, trying to re-adjust and re-plan our lives.
We had been preparing for him to leave for so long that it put me in an extremely difficult place. I found myself on my knees before God numerous times a day. Things have started to pan out again though. The big news right now is actually about my career. Mark and I have prayed, sought wise counsel through parents, prayed more, talked and prayed even more. And God has answered our prayers and opened the doors for me to go back to school full-time! This is huge for me! The plan is to attend Seminole State College starting in January (eek! so soon!) and transfer to UCF in a year to finish my bachelors degree in Secondary Education English Language Arts (say that 5 times fast, whew!). I am so excited and very grateful that God has been opening so many doors so quickly. This has all been thrown together over the last two weeks or so. Mark has been amazing! He went with me to the Admissions Office to get everything worked out (which we didn't), then he went by himself while I was at work and took everything that needed to be turned in and stood in line for over an hour!
In addition to being amazingly supportive and getting me back to school, my amazing husband is searching his career choices. He still wants to do Law Enforcement and is trying to figure out a way to get his foot in the door. He is trying to apply with Florida Highway Patrol. He is also looking at getting his Security Officer Licenses. He is still working at Al's Army Navy, but we aren't sure how much longer that will last. He isn't really enjoying it and even if the owner isn't ready to admit it, the store is gradually sinking. I would be surprised if it made it to the end of 2011.
As we get ready to celebrate our first wedding anniversary, I can't help but pause and try to remember everything that has happened in this past year. No, we are not where we thought we would be as 2010 wraps up. But we are still growing more and more in love, growing as individuals and as a couple, and growing in our faith in God. We have so much to be thankful for, that it is hard to sit and complain about not following "our plan". We decided to follow a much better plan for our lives, God's plan. I am so thankful and so blessed to have a God-fearing husband. We all make mistakes and we don't always do what we should. but in the end, we are all God's children and the only reason we are saved is through God's grace and mercy. I am equally as blessed to have such amazing and supportive parents who are not only being supportive about our career choices, but have allowed us to live with them, even though they are tight for space.
Overall, 2010 has been a blessed year. God is good, all the time :)
Happy New Year!
Monday, December 27, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
If We Are the Body...
Last night as I was leaving the gym with my Mom and Mark, I got a call from a friend of mine. She called because she just needed someone to talk to while she drove home to drown out the silence of being alone in her car. She had just left the house of one of her best friends. Her friend's mom died early in the morning due to a hit and run. Appearently from what they know she died instantly upon impact. The daughter is in shock still, understandably. She is in a difficult place. Her husband leaves in three weeks for Basic Training through the Army. She has an 18 month old son and is expecting her second child in about two months. My friend is worried about her and how she is going to cope and manage now. So I spent awhile on the phone with my friend while she drove home. All I could think was "oh no, what do I say? How do I be a comforter? How can I show Jesus through all of this without being 'pushy'?" I just kept praying for wisdom. I am not sure how to help right now. I want to help, I want to be there, but I have only met this family a few times. Even then, I don't know how to help. The only thing I can think of is to help out with meals or babysit...but I don't want to be invasive. So I am just sitting here, being available if my friend needs anything and waiting to hear if the family needs anything. I just keep thinking of the song by Casting Crowns that has the lines "If we are the body, why aren't his arms reaching?"
That isn't the only situation that has been throwing that line into my head. I have been struggling a lot with our church situation lately. My mom and I had a long discussion a few nights ago about it. I feel like the only thing I get out of church is the teachings. They are amazing! I have never been to a church where the teachings are this good and that hit home so well! But that is about all I get out of our church. Its a great church, its different (for one, its in an old bar and we have blacklights and bar stools). Its small, which is something I like and dislike. Every large church I have been to has given me the feeling of being lost in the crowd, although I haven't been to many large churches. Even though H2o is small, I still feel like I get lost in the crowd. You have no idea how many people I have met...and met...and met again and again and again because no one remembers who I am. Part of that is me too. Our church is very involved in Life Groups (House Church, Home Groups, Small Groups, etc). In fact they HIGHLY encourage you to join one. That would be great, except they were all in the evenings and for almost a year both Mark and I were working weird schedules and lots of evenings. Our church has a great Men's Ministry! Its amazing actually! But the Women's Ministry just started up and the once a month get-togethers never work out for me. So a lot of this is time on my part. I want to be involved so much more than I am. I want to be involved in a Youth Group, but our church doesn't really have one (we don't have many families, lots of young families). I miss being involved in AWANA, but of course we don't have enough kids for AWANA. I miss knowing people at church. I hate going to church every week and wondering who I am going to have to re-introduce myself to this week (or if I am going to get asked what grade I am in again...). But I understand that you will never find a church where you will be completely happy at. Plus Mark and I are not in a position right now to find another church considering Mark leaves in 10 weeks. I just wonder at how I can go to church and come away with so much to think about from the sermon, but otherwise feeling so discouraged and disheartended. I have been involved in teaching sunday school and working in the nursery. I love the babies and being around them, but I usually dread going because I will either be working with someone I don't know, or someone I will have to "re-meet" for the 2nd or 3rd time. I miss church involvement.
I also have really been struggling lately with family situation. I want one. I understand that Mark and I are not in a place to start a family right now, but my heart yearns for a family, for children, for our own home. These are more selfish yearnings, but they are still so close to my heart. I am daily quoting verses such as "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart" and "For I know the plans I have for you". I keep praying and giving it over to the Lord.
I am also working on my thankfulness. Especially on days where I wonder how we will make it through this week, or where the car stops running and we don't know why, or when an unexpect bill comes up or things to do are just piling up on my list and I don't know how I will finish everything for everyone. Yesterday was a good example of this. Our car stopped running and we couldn't figure out why. Mark spent at least two hours working on it and trying to figure out what was wrong. I pretty much just decided that I didn't care anymore about cars. I couldn't stress over it anymore. But I did ask God when we were going to get a break. But then I remembered everything He had given us and how little a thing this really was. So I started going through everything I had to be thankful for, even the little things. My husband, my family, a roof over our heads, a bed, clothes, our own room, little household things, books, food to eat, a car (whether it runs or not), sunshine, health, friends, jobs, etc. So many people have so much less than us. So many people wonder not just how they will make it through the week, but how they will make it through the day. I am so blessed. I pray that I will be able to turn over the blessings God pours on me to others. That I may be a blessing to those around me. My husband, my family, my friends, co-workers, people I meet everyday.
If you think of it, please pray. This is a tough time for everyone and the holidays are around the corner. Please pray for the family whose Mom died. Please pray for my friend. Please pray that somehow I can be Jesus to them. Please pray for Mark as he gets ready to leave. Please pray for his family and my family job-wise.
That isn't the only situation that has been throwing that line into my head. I have been struggling a lot with our church situation lately. My mom and I had a long discussion a few nights ago about it. I feel like the only thing I get out of church is the teachings. They are amazing! I have never been to a church where the teachings are this good and that hit home so well! But that is about all I get out of our church. Its a great church, its different (for one, its in an old bar and we have blacklights and bar stools). Its small, which is something I like and dislike. Every large church I have been to has given me the feeling of being lost in the crowd, although I haven't been to many large churches. Even though H2o is small, I still feel like I get lost in the crowd. You have no idea how many people I have met...and met...and met again and again and again because no one remembers who I am. Part of that is me too. Our church is very involved in Life Groups (House Church, Home Groups, Small Groups, etc). In fact they HIGHLY encourage you to join one. That would be great, except they were all in the evenings and for almost a year both Mark and I were working weird schedules and lots of evenings. Our church has a great Men's Ministry! Its amazing actually! But the Women's Ministry just started up and the once a month get-togethers never work out for me. So a lot of this is time on my part. I want to be involved so much more than I am. I want to be involved in a Youth Group, but our church doesn't really have one (we don't have many families, lots of young families). I miss being involved in AWANA, but of course we don't have enough kids for AWANA. I miss knowing people at church. I hate going to church every week and wondering who I am going to have to re-introduce myself to this week (or if I am going to get asked what grade I am in again...). But I understand that you will never find a church where you will be completely happy at. Plus Mark and I are not in a position right now to find another church considering Mark leaves in 10 weeks. I just wonder at how I can go to church and come away with so much to think about from the sermon, but otherwise feeling so discouraged and disheartended. I have been involved in teaching sunday school and working in the nursery. I love the babies and being around them, but I usually dread going because I will either be working with someone I don't know, or someone I will have to "re-meet" for the 2nd or 3rd time. I miss church involvement.
I also have really been struggling lately with family situation. I want one. I understand that Mark and I are not in a place to start a family right now, but my heart yearns for a family, for children, for our own home. These are more selfish yearnings, but they are still so close to my heart. I am daily quoting verses such as "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart" and "For I know the plans I have for you". I keep praying and giving it over to the Lord.
I am also working on my thankfulness. Especially on days where I wonder how we will make it through this week, or where the car stops running and we don't know why, or when an unexpect bill comes up or things to do are just piling up on my list and I don't know how I will finish everything for everyone. Yesterday was a good example of this. Our car stopped running and we couldn't figure out why. Mark spent at least two hours working on it and trying to figure out what was wrong. I pretty much just decided that I didn't care anymore about cars. I couldn't stress over it anymore. But I did ask God when we were going to get a break. But then I remembered everything He had given us and how little a thing this really was. So I started going through everything I had to be thankful for, even the little things. My husband, my family, a roof over our heads, a bed, clothes, our own room, little household things, books, food to eat, a car (whether it runs or not), sunshine, health, friends, jobs, etc. So many people have so much less than us. So many people wonder not just how they will make it through the week, but how they will make it through the day. I am so blessed. I pray that I will be able to turn over the blessings God pours on me to others. That I may be a blessing to those around me. My husband, my family, my friends, co-workers, people I meet everyday.
If you think of it, please pray. This is a tough time for everyone and the holidays are around the corner. Please pray for the family whose Mom died. Please pray for my friend. Please pray that somehow I can be Jesus to them. Please pray for Mark as he gets ready to leave. Please pray for his family and my family job-wise.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
The Unknown
I feel like I am walking down a path on the unknown. I can't see much farther down it, its covered in dark patches. I am walking on the path of unknown plans. Instead of turning and running back the way I have come, I have no choice but to press on and trust in the Lord. "For I know the plans I have for you..." I trust in Him, that He will hold my hand and lead Mark and I down this new path in life. Its hard somedays though. There is so much that we don't know about the next 6 months. We know that Mark will be at Basic for 13 weeks. There is a possibility that he will have some kind of leave after that, and then he is headed to the next step of training (which I have no idea what that is). Then after that we have no idea where he will be stationed, if he will be deployed (although they are telling us that there is something like a 90% chance that he will be deployed). We have no idea where all of this leaves me. I know that as of November 15th the United States Marine Corps. comes before wife, family and friends in Mark's life. I just wish I knew where this left me. Thankfully my parents are very welcoming and understanding and are letting me stay with them while Mark is at Basic and beyond that until we actually know more. I wish there was someone in that recruiting office that could tell us more.
Its ironic, I usually am sitting at work when I type my blogs. This job is much better than my job at Starbucks was, but its really boring. I have a lot of time on my hands and feel very unproductive most days. I hate sitting around with nothing to do. Even though I like the people I work for, I am still looking at other job opputunities and apply for them. I have so much time on my hands during the day at work that I don't think it is going to be a healthy job for me once November rolls around. I have too much time to sit and think. I have the type of personality that needs to stay busy. I wish I could go back to being a figure skating coach and dance teacher. I miss that.
Mark and I are trying to figure out what we are going to do the last two weeks together before Basic Training. He will be done with work at the end of October and I am taking the first two weeks of November off. We were hoping to go out of town for a few days, but that isn't looking financially possible. We are trying to figure out what we want to do to celebrate our first anniversary since we have to celebrate a few month early. He will be gone for Thanksgiving, Christmas, Our First Anniversary, New Years and Valentine's Day. So somehow we have to celebrate all of them together before November 15th. He feels really bad about our Anniversary, but I reminded him that God willing, we will have many years of anniversaries when he is out of the Marines.
Mom and I were discussing November 16th. I am suppose to return to work that day because my boss told me I probably didn't want to stay home all day and lay in bed in cry (which she is wrong, that is probably exactly what I will want to do). But I really don't want to sit at my desk at work (bored) all day and cry, because that is what will end up happening if I come to work that day. So Mom was saying that she would spend the day with me and that we could go to Disney or I could Ice Skate all day or something like that. We also decided we are going to eat a giant Sam's Club Coconut Cake that day (ourselves...okay, I will share with the family). I am so blessed to have such an awesome and supportive and loving Mom and also a great family and awesome friends!
Its ironic, I usually am sitting at work when I type my blogs. This job is much better than my job at Starbucks was, but its really boring. I have a lot of time on my hands and feel very unproductive most days. I hate sitting around with nothing to do. Even though I like the people I work for, I am still looking at other job opputunities and apply for them. I have so much time on my hands during the day at work that I don't think it is going to be a healthy job for me once November rolls around. I have too much time to sit and think. I have the type of personality that needs to stay busy. I wish I could go back to being a figure skating coach and dance teacher. I miss that.
Mark and I are trying to figure out what we are going to do the last two weeks together before Basic Training. He will be done with work at the end of October and I am taking the first two weeks of November off. We were hoping to go out of town for a few days, but that isn't looking financially possible. We are trying to figure out what we want to do to celebrate our first anniversary since we have to celebrate a few month early. He will be gone for Thanksgiving, Christmas, Our First Anniversary, New Years and Valentine's Day. So somehow we have to celebrate all of them together before November 15th. He feels really bad about our Anniversary, but I reminded him that God willing, we will have many years of anniversaries when he is out of the Marines.
Mom and I were discussing November 16th. I am suppose to return to work that day because my boss told me I probably didn't want to stay home all day and lay in bed in cry (which she is wrong, that is probably exactly what I will want to do). But I really don't want to sit at my desk at work (bored) all day and cry, because that is what will end up happening if I come to work that day. So Mom was saying that she would spend the day with me and that we could go to Disney or I could Ice Skate all day or something like that. We also decided we are going to eat a giant Sam's Club Coconut Cake that day (ourselves...okay, I will share with the family). I am so blessed to have such an awesome and supportive and loving Mom and also a great family and awesome friends!
Friday, July 23, 2010
A Time of Waiting
Since I was 13 years old I have read almost every Robin Jones Gunn book out there, with the exception of the Sisterchicks series of book. I had never gone beyond the back of the book because they are written about and geared towards older women, and at 13 and 14 I just wasn't interested. Because I have so much time on my hands at work, I have read almost every book I own, even re-read a few. I keep an eye out for books that I might possibly read that I can buy for some pocket change (typically used books, but who cares as long as they are still readable?). I picked up a Sisterchicks book at Goodwill for $0.40 a few months ago and it sat on my shelf...and sat...and sat on the floor (we have been rearranging our room and going through our things). Finally I picked it up a couple days ago while I was rushing out the door to head to work. I still wasn't that interested in it, but it was better then starring at the wall for 5 hours. The biggest reason I had hesitated to read it was because it was still about women who were older than me, in fact another 20 - 30 years older than me! I didn't get very far into the book when I realized the treasure I had come accross. Granted, it is a fictional story, but I prefer Christian fiction with good lessons in a realistic life situation than reading an entire book on Christian Living (I know, I am still trying the Christian Living books though). I finished the book this morning. I cannot believe the messages and lessons that I got out of that book! It was just what I needed right now at this time in my life. God works in amazing ways! The book reminded me of the wisdom and lessons that we can learn from the lives of women who have 20 or 30 years of experiences that I haven't lived yet.
Here are a few key points (and quotes) that I got from the book that I am praying about and asking God to incorperate them into my life.
-"I believe that 90% of our jobs as believers are to just show up." Showing up each and everyday at the feet of the Lord, saying "alright God, I am here, use me."
-"Shame off you" and "Grace on you". Instead of wallowing in shame and self-pity and regret, seeking forgiveness and letting go of the shame and the guilt and focusing on God's grace, letting yourself be covered by "A blanket of grace".
-Hospitality. Showing Christ's love by offering yourself. I will touch more on this later. I left the book in my car and I am still chewing on this one.
-"You are not done yet."
-"Go and feed His sheep." Through out this book these two women discovered the joy and grace of serving. They discovered a new way to serve and encourage other believers in the end of the book. They traveled to women in the missions field in other countries and delievered "grace" to them. They took them "out to laugh", uplifted their spirits by just being there and being a friend. They would go to other countries, visit women and families that they had never met before and spent time with them. They talked, laughed, cried, baked lots of cookies, read the bible, prayed, had fun teasing and hanging out. It doesn't sound like much to us, but to those women in the field, it was what they needed to be themselves again. It helped fill their "joy tanks" back up.
Swinging into a completely different topic. I realized why I have been so anxious lately. Not only was I focused on everything that was not going the way I planned or wanted as I said in my last post, but I am in a place where I cannot do anything but wait. I am in a time of waiting. I hate waiting. I am only patient when I have to be. Patience is not a strong virtue of mine. But I realized yesterday that God has been in a place that He is calling me to wait. I have been praying and asking God for answers, racking my brain for new ideas and solutions and instead of stopping and listening for God's answers, I have just continued to talk and try to move beyond this. But He has answered me, He spoke to my heart with one word: Wait. Here I am now, in a place where I am trying to show up and just wait on the Lord. Its a completely new place for me. I am praying through out the day for God to cover me in "a blanket of grace" and to lead me. Even though I feel like bursting into tears everyday (for different reasons usually, whether its frustration, thankfulness, peace, being frightened, or amazement), I feel myself growing closer and closer to Him. Through my growing in the Lord and falling deeper in love with Him, I feel myself grow closer to my husband and deeper in love with him. I am so thankful. After the rough first 6 months of our marriage, I am so thankful to be in a place where God is drawing us closer to each other through Him. And to think it took so long to get back here. I am working everyday at giving my everything to God. Its hard, I am struggling most days to let everything go and stop holding on. But it feels so much better in the end knowing that God is in charge.
Here are a few key points (and quotes) that I got from the book that I am praying about and asking God to incorperate them into my life.
-"I believe that 90% of our jobs as believers are to just show up." Showing up each and everyday at the feet of the Lord, saying "alright God, I am here, use me."
-"Shame off you" and "Grace on you". Instead of wallowing in shame and self-pity and regret, seeking forgiveness and letting go of the shame and the guilt and focusing on God's grace, letting yourself be covered by "A blanket of grace".
-Hospitality. Showing Christ's love by offering yourself. I will touch more on this later. I left the book in my car and I am still chewing on this one.
-"You are not done yet."
-"Go and feed His sheep." Through out this book these two women discovered the joy and grace of serving. They discovered a new way to serve and encourage other believers in the end of the book. They traveled to women in the missions field in other countries and delievered "grace" to them. They took them "out to laugh", uplifted their spirits by just being there and being a friend. They would go to other countries, visit women and families that they had never met before and spent time with them. They talked, laughed, cried, baked lots of cookies, read the bible, prayed, had fun teasing and hanging out. It doesn't sound like much to us, but to those women in the field, it was what they needed to be themselves again. It helped fill their "joy tanks" back up.
Swinging into a completely different topic. I realized why I have been so anxious lately. Not only was I focused on everything that was not going the way I planned or wanted as I said in my last post, but I am in a place where I cannot do anything but wait. I am in a time of waiting. I hate waiting. I am only patient when I have to be. Patience is not a strong virtue of mine. But I realized yesterday that God has been in a place that He is calling me to wait. I have been praying and asking God for answers, racking my brain for new ideas and solutions and instead of stopping and listening for God's answers, I have just continued to talk and try to move beyond this. But He has answered me, He spoke to my heart with one word: Wait. Here I am now, in a place where I am trying to show up and just wait on the Lord. Its a completely new place for me. I am praying through out the day for God to cover me in "a blanket of grace" and to lead me. Even though I feel like bursting into tears everyday (for different reasons usually, whether its frustration, thankfulness, peace, being frightened, or amazement), I feel myself growing closer and closer to Him. Through my growing in the Lord and falling deeper in love with Him, I feel myself grow closer to my husband and deeper in love with him. I am so thankful. After the rough first 6 months of our marriage, I am so thankful to be in a place where God is drawing us closer to each other through Him. And to think it took so long to get back here. I am working everyday at giving my everything to God. Its hard, I am struggling most days to let everything go and stop holding on. But it feels so much better in the end knowing that God is in charge.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Speaking to My Heart Everyday
Part of me is sitting here trying to figure out what to write. The other part of me tells me I should just be honest and write what is going on in my life, my heart and my mind.
Honestly I would being lying if I said everything was great. Mark and I are finding ourselves in yet another bad car situation. Once again we are driving around another car that is having problems. I know that its just a car, but this is like the fourth car in two years that we have had problems with. Unfortunatly, we are in a situation where we still owe a little bit on the car and now we are possibly looking at a problem that is going to cost close to $1000 to fix (we just dropped $1000 into in about 6 weeks ago). The biggest problem is that we don't have the money to fix it. Mark's hours got cut in half at work and I can't put in anymore hours at my job. We have been trying to save even just a little for awhile, but now we are just scraping by on what we make. We both are looking at trying to find second jobs. But the downside to that is that Mark leaves in four months for basic training and we will never see each other if we get second jobs. And we want to spend as much time together as possible considering we have no idea what is going to happen over the next four years.
I am also struggling with the longing to have our own space and our own home. Its so hard sometimes to just be alone together when there are so many people in one household. I am so grateful to my parents for allowing us to stay with them right now. But I hate being 22 and married and still having to rely on them for a place to live.
I have been struggling a lot with selfishness and letting go. I know that none of these trials are huge and that they are all little things that will eventually work out. But it is so hard for me to not stand here and just yell at God and question Him. I have been humbled so many times this week. I realize that there are people who are worse off then we are, but its so easy to forget. On sunday the sermon was on Job. Job's story in itself is enough to shame anyone feeling sorry for themselves. But then I have been reading lately a lot of random books and bible verses and it always comes back that God's time is His own. Its not my time. I can rant and rave about how old I am and how hard I work and how things should just be coming together after so long and how things are going according to my plan. But thats just it, it isn't about my plan. Its about God's plan. Things are going according to His plan. He isn't pacing back and forth wondering how everything is going to work out. He already knows. Its His plan. So instead of trying to work everything out on my own, I am working on stepping back and just praying. I am working on giving my control issues, my wants, my plans over to God and asking Him to help me seek His plan. I am praying that He opens my eyes to see His answers and solutions, instead of being blinded by what I think should be the answers.
Last night I sat in on the end of my parents' prayer group. Its just them in another couple, but it says in the bible "when two or more are gathered in my name". So I just sat with them and listened to them talk and list prayer requests and then continued to sit while they prayed and silently prayed with them. In those 10 or 20 minutes, God really humbled me. Among those requests where ones for people to be healed that had been sick and thanksgiving for one that had been healed and had not died. Here I was wallowing in stress and self-pity because my car is making a funny noise and someone else had almost lost their life. Another request was for someones friend who has been unemployed for sometime. Here I am complaining that I don't make enough money even though I am scraping by enough to pay my bills and eat when someone else doesn't even know where the money to pay for anything is going to come from. God spoke to my heart and reminded me of all the things I do have.
-I have a wonderful husband who loves me and who is working completely out of everything he has ever know to train to do the hardest thing he has ever had to do.
-I have an amazing family who loves me and parents who are so giving that they would open their home up to me and my husband and give us our very own room to live in.
-I have food to eat, plenty of clothes to wear and a bed to sleep in.
-I am in the best shape of my life and have a husband, a sister, an uncle and even two brothers that have been going on runs with me.
-I have little un-needed pleasures of life such as books, diet coke, internet and movies.
-I have wonderful moments in life where I get to go on dates with my husband.
-Most of all, I have a relationship with the Creator of everything and He loves me and has a plan for my life.
So now, when I start to feel sorry for myself, stress because things aren't working out the way I wanted, things are falling apart or I don't know where to go, I am going to remember Jeremiah 29:11-13 (see below) and Psalm 37:4 (see below). I know that God has a plan and a purpose for me. Even though I have no idea what it is, I keep praying that He will open my blind, human eyes and heart to see the path He has set before me.
Jeremiah 29:11-13
" 'For I know the plans I have for you' declares the Lord. " Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.' "
Psalm 37:4
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."
Quick note: If you think of Mark and I, please pray. We are four months away from Mark leaving for Basic Training with the Marines and signing a four year active duty contract. Everyday we get closer to November 15th and everyday it becomes more and more real to me. I won't deny that I am scared, we don't know what is going to happen after basic. Plus he is going to be gone for so long and I am not sure what I am going to do with myself over the next 4 years when I am alone without him. I just keep praying for strength and know that God is in control and it will all be okay. Please just pray for Mark and I and for strength and peace through all of this. And that God will continue to strengthen Mark's and my relationship through it all.
Honestly I would being lying if I said everything was great. Mark and I are finding ourselves in yet another bad car situation. Once again we are driving around another car that is having problems. I know that its just a car, but this is like the fourth car in two years that we have had problems with. Unfortunatly, we are in a situation where we still owe a little bit on the car and now we are possibly looking at a problem that is going to cost close to $1000 to fix (we just dropped $1000 into in about 6 weeks ago). The biggest problem is that we don't have the money to fix it. Mark's hours got cut in half at work and I can't put in anymore hours at my job. We have been trying to save even just a little for awhile, but now we are just scraping by on what we make. We both are looking at trying to find second jobs. But the downside to that is that Mark leaves in four months for basic training and we will never see each other if we get second jobs. And we want to spend as much time together as possible considering we have no idea what is going to happen over the next four years.
I am also struggling with the longing to have our own space and our own home. Its so hard sometimes to just be alone together when there are so many people in one household. I am so grateful to my parents for allowing us to stay with them right now. But I hate being 22 and married and still having to rely on them for a place to live.
I have been struggling a lot with selfishness and letting go. I know that none of these trials are huge and that they are all little things that will eventually work out. But it is so hard for me to not stand here and just yell at God and question Him. I have been humbled so many times this week. I realize that there are people who are worse off then we are, but its so easy to forget. On sunday the sermon was on Job. Job's story in itself is enough to shame anyone feeling sorry for themselves. But then I have been reading lately a lot of random books and bible verses and it always comes back that God's time is His own. Its not my time. I can rant and rave about how old I am and how hard I work and how things should just be coming together after so long and how things are going according to my plan. But thats just it, it isn't about my plan. Its about God's plan. Things are going according to His plan. He isn't pacing back and forth wondering how everything is going to work out. He already knows. Its His plan. So instead of trying to work everything out on my own, I am working on stepping back and just praying. I am working on giving my control issues, my wants, my plans over to God and asking Him to help me seek His plan. I am praying that He opens my eyes to see His answers and solutions, instead of being blinded by what I think should be the answers.
Last night I sat in on the end of my parents' prayer group. Its just them in another couple, but it says in the bible "when two or more are gathered in my name". So I just sat with them and listened to them talk and list prayer requests and then continued to sit while they prayed and silently prayed with them. In those 10 or 20 minutes, God really humbled me. Among those requests where ones for people to be healed that had been sick and thanksgiving for one that had been healed and had not died. Here I was wallowing in stress and self-pity because my car is making a funny noise and someone else had almost lost their life. Another request was for someones friend who has been unemployed for sometime. Here I am complaining that I don't make enough money even though I am scraping by enough to pay my bills and eat when someone else doesn't even know where the money to pay for anything is going to come from. God spoke to my heart and reminded me of all the things I do have.
-I have a wonderful husband who loves me and who is working completely out of everything he has ever know to train to do the hardest thing he has ever had to do.
-I have an amazing family who loves me and parents who are so giving that they would open their home up to me and my husband and give us our very own room to live in.
-I have food to eat, plenty of clothes to wear and a bed to sleep in.
-I am in the best shape of my life and have a husband, a sister, an uncle and even two brothers that have been going on runs with me.
-I have little un-needed pleasures of life such as books, diet coke, internet and movies.
-I have wonderful moments in life where I get to go on dates with my husband.
-Most of all, I have a relationship with the Creator of everything and He loves me and has a plan for my life.
So now, when I start to feel sorry for myself, stress because things aren't working out the way I wanted, things are falling apart or I don't know where to go, I am going to remember Jeremiah 29:11-13 (see below) and Psalm 37:4 (see below). I know that God has a plan and a purpose for me. Even though I have no idea what it is, I keep praying that He will open my blind, human eyes and heart to see the path He has set before me.
Jeremiah 29:11-13
" 'For I know the plans I have for you' declares the Lord. " Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.' "
Psalm 37:4
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."
Quick note: If you think of Mark and I, please pray. We are four months away from Mark leaving for Basic Training with the Marines and signing a four year active duty contract. Everyday we get closer to November 15th and everyday it becomes more and more real to me. I won't deny that I am scared, we don't know what is going to happen after basic. Plus he is going to be gone for so long and I am not sure what I am going to do with myself over the next 4 years when I am alone without him. I just keep praying for strength and know that God is in control and it will all be okay. Please just pray for Mark and I and for strength and peace through all of this. And that God will continue to strengthen Mark's and my relationship through it all.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
New Job!
So yesterday morning I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing, it was a landscaping company I had interviewed with the week before offering me the receptionist job! You have no idea how excited I am to be offered a job that is not in the food service industry. On top of that, it is a full time, 40 hours a week position with a family owned company. The couple is really nice and the office is incredibly secure. God is so good! I was only looking for two weeks (only it felt like two months).
Mark is working harder at getting into shape for the marines. Running, strength training, eating healthier, and me following behind trying to keep up. It is rough right now though. He is what is called a poole in the US Marines Delayed Entry Program. He reports to a Sergent in a recruiting office and goes to as many PT and monthly meetings that he can. However his original Sergent was deployed in March and now has a new, younger, straight back from Afghanistan Sergent. This guy isn't married, has no kids and has been in the Marines since he graduated from high school and has no idea what it is like to have to work a job out of the military, hoping you can cover all your bills and support a wife. Needless to say, the guy is nice, but he doesn't understand Mark going to work when he can't get off instead of going to PTs or meetings (which Mark makes most of them anyways). What have I learned from all of this? There is drama everywhere you go, even in a military office.
Lately I have been feeling almost like I am having an "out of body experience", except I am not...not that it makes sense. I just don't feel like I am already 22 years old and married. I don't feel old enough sometimes to have a husband who is going into the military, looking at possibly having a kid in the next few years (God-willing). But at the same time, I am excited about the future.
Mark is working harder at getting into shape for the marines. Running, strength training, eating healthier, and me following behind trying to keep up. It is rough right now though. He is what is called a poole in the US Marines Delayed Entry Program. He reports to a Sergent in a recruiting office and goes to as many PT and monthly meetings that he can. However his original Sergent was deployed in March and now has a new, younger, straight back from Afghanistan Sergent. This guy isn't married, has no kids and has been in the Marines since he graduated from high school and has no idea what it is like to have to work a job out of the military, hoping you can cover all your bills and support a wife. Needless to say, the guy is nice, but he doesn't understand Mark going to work when he can't get off instead of going to PTs or meetings (which Mark makes most of them anyways). What have I learned from all of this? There is drama everywhere you go, even in a military office.
Lately I have been feeling almost like I am having an "out of body experience", except I am not...not that it makes sense. I just don't feel like I am already 22 years old and married. I don't feel old enough sometimes to have a husband who is going into the military, looking at possibly having a kid in the next few years (God-willing). But at the same time, I am excited about the future.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Discovery: Life doesn't slow down!
Life has changed quite a bit in the past year. 13 months ago Mark and I packed everything we could into our car and drove straight through from Indianapolis to Orlando. A few days later Mark flew back to Indiana to finish a police course that he was taking and wouldn't return for six weeks. Thankfully I was able to transfer from Starbucks in Indiana to a store that was local to my parents house. That was a long six weeks.
Mark returned, found a job at 7-11 (which ended up being pretty bad once it was bought out) and proposed on July 31st. After that we got caught in the crazy whirlwind of planning a wedding in 5 months. Mark and I were both putting in as many hours possible at our jobs and trying to plan out the details of the wedding in our spare time. I figured that once the wedding was over our lives would calm back down and we would resume life a usual, only together. Boy, was I wrong! Before we were even back from our honeymoon Mark was getting phone calls from his aggravating boss (which of course we didn't answer considering he had approved Mark's time off and knew that he was getting married). Then I got a text from my boss telling me to call her as soon as I got back. I found out two days later that I was being promoted. As soon as we got back I was thrown into a whirlwind schedule of training, Mark was working nights, mornings and days (his schedule was all over the place every week, including swing shifts and doubles), and now we never saw each other.
February rolled around quickly and Mark finally made the decision to join the marines (after much prayer and talking and more prayer). He went to Tampa for MEPS and his ASVAB and came back in the Marines Delayed Entry Program. We now know that he ships off to Basic Training on November 15th to Paris Island and will be gone for 12 weeks. He won't know until October what jobs are available to him. He is hoping to be MP (Military Police).
Through all of this I was still working an ever changing and ever more stressful job at Starbucks. Things got worse for me at the end of February when I was wrongfully verbally and characteristically attacked at work. Then a couple weeks later I seriously injured my shoulder at work. That was a mess of tests and doctors visits (X-Rays, MRI and Physical Therapy). I was just released from Physical Therapy. It turns out that I sprained my rotator cuff and possibly had a hairline fracture and a hairline muscle tear (there was a good amount of fluid in the joint). So after been in a sling for a couple weeks and a run around of pain meds that made me sick and working with a limitation of not being able to lift, push or pull anything with my right arm, I was worn out.
Work finally got so stressful that I couldn't sleep well, eat right or function "normally" that Mark and I began to talk about me quitting. It was effect my physical, mental and emotional health, as well as my relationships, especially with Mark. So after lots of prayer and talking to my parents and Mark more, I gave my two weeks notice. Last Thursday was my last day and I have been so much happier. Mark and I are doing one hundred times better. I am making time again to spend time in the word with God. And I actually feel like getting out of bed again in the morning.
Saturday and Sunday night Mark and I were able to stay in a beautiful suite on the other side of Orlando thanks to Grandma Rita. It was fun, we had a room that was connected to a dining/kitchen/living room area and on the other side was Grandma's suite. We went swimming, spent time with family, spent much needed time alone and of course went to Bass Pro Shops and a Outlet Mall (since they were right there).
Monday we drove to Tampa to visit a friend of mine from Indiana. It was wonderful to see her! And her husband and adorable son! We spent the afternoon and evening with them and then started back home. Unfortunately our car (oh, did I mention that we also bought a car two weeks ago...lol, that's a whole different story) broke down right outside of Tampa and we were stuck on the side of the road for almost four hours. My dad was amazing and drove out to help us. We called AAA, had to have the car towed to a mechanic in Tampa (by now it is after 2am), and finally rode back to Orlando with my dad. We got home a little after 4am in the morning. I felt so bad for my dad who still had to work that day. Apparently the engine in the car has some plastic thing on the intake that overtime it cracked from heat and finally completely cracked causing the engine to intake water from the radiator, choking the engine. Needless to say, it should run great now, after a horribly long and stressful night (and week!) and hundreds of dollars later. My Mom is wonderful enough to drive me to Tampa tomorrow to pick up the car.
My parents have been amazing. They have gone above and beyond. Mark and I have been trying to get on our feet since we moved here. Its so frustrating sometimes to be putting in 40 hour weeks (or more) and still have hardly anything to show (if anything). But we keep praying and trusting that God will provide and continue to show us His will for us. We are so thankful for all of the help and support my parents and his parents have given us. Even though we are living with my parents and aren't in a great financial situation, we try to remind each other of the things that we have to be thankful for that a lot of people don't have.
We have a God who loves us and wants us, a Creator who loves us so much that He died just so we would have the opportunity to be with Him forever in paradise. We have each other, we have been through a lot in our relationship and each day we fall more and more in love with each other. We have freedom, we live in a country where we can worship our Lord freely. In Honduras there is currently a Church that is being attacked and persecuted. They have recently had many abductions and even murders. Its very sad. I pray daily for them. We have family, family that loves and supports us no matter what. We have a roof over our head, many people don't right now. We have food and clothes. Again, many people don't. We have a car, a lot of people don't have cars. We have so many other things, the list could just go on and on.
I sometimes wonder in the moment that things go wrong or get hard if God has forgotten me, or forgotten us. While I know that He will never forget me and never lose sight of me, sometimes I get lost in the disappointment and pain. But I am contently reminded of God's goodness and provision. And in those moments that I lose sight of Him, that I let my eyes stray from distraction, God sends people and scripture to remind me of His unfailing love and of the blessings that I have been given.
Prayer Requests:
*That I will continue to make more time for the most important thing in my life: My relationship with God. That I will thirst for Him and His word more and more.
*That Mark and I will continue to grow closer to each other and encourage each other in our walks with God.
*That God will continue to provide for my family, Mark's family and Mark and I.
*That I will find a new (and better) job soon.
*That Mark's dad will find a job and Mark's mom a better job.
*That God will direct me in a career.
*That Mark and I will be prepared for his military career and the time apart.
*For the church in Honduras.
Mark returned, found a job at 7-11 (which ended up being pretty bad once it was bought out) and proposed on July 31st. After that we got caught in the crazy whirlwind of planning a wedding in 5 months. Mark and I were both putting in as many hours possible at our jobs and trying to plan out the details of the wedding in our spare time. I figured that once the wedding was over our lives would calm back down and we would resume life a usual, only together. Boy, was I wrong! Before we were even back from our honeymoon Mark was getting phone calls from his aggravating boss (which of course we didn't answer considering he had approved Mark's time off and knew that he was getting married). Then I got a text from my boss telling me to call her as soon as I got back. I found out two days later that I was being promoted. As soon as we got back I was thrown into a whirlwind schedule of training, Mark was working nights, mornings and days (his schedule was all over the place every week, including swing shifts and doubles), and now we never saw each other.
February rolled around quickly and Mark finally made the decision to join the marines (after much prayer and talking and more prayer). He went to Tampa for MEPS and his ASVAB and came back in the Marines Delayed Entry Program. We now know that he ships off to Basic Training on November 15th to Paris Island and will be gone for 12 weeks. He won't know until October what jobs are available to him. He is hoping to be MP (Military Police).
Through all of this I was still working an ever changing and ever more stressful job at Starbucks. Things got worse for me at the end of February when I was wrongfully verbally and characteristically attacked at work. Then a couple weeks later I seriously injured my shoulder at work. That was a mess of tests and doctors visits (X-Rays, MRI and Physical Therapy). I was just released from Physical Therapy. It turns out that I sprained my rotator cuff and possibly had a hairline fracture and a hairline muscle tear (there was a good amount of fluid in the joint). So after been in a sling for a couple weeks and a run around of pain meds that made me sick and working with a limitation of not being able to lift, push or pull anything with my right arm, I was worn out.
Work finally got so stressful that I couldn't sleep well, eat right or function "normally" that Mark and I began to talk about me quitting. It was effect my physical, mental and emotional health, as well as my relationships, especially with Mark. So after lots of prayer and talking to my parents and Mark more, I gave my two weeks notice. Last Thursday was my last day and I have been so much happier. Mark and I are doing one hundred times better. I am making time again to spend time in the word with God. And I actually feel like getting out of bed again in the morning.
Saturday and Sunday night Mark and I were able to stay in a beautiful suite on the other side of Orlando thanks to Grandma Rita. It was fun, we had a room that was connected to a dining/kitchen/living room area and on the other side was Grandma's suite. We went swimming, spent time with family, spent much needed time alone and of course went to Bass Pro Shops and a Outlet Mall (since they were right there).
Monday we drove to Tampa to visit a friend of mine from Indiana. It was wonderful to see her! And her husband and adorable son! We spent the afternoon and evening with them and then started back home. Unfortunately our car (oh, did I mention that we also bought a car two weeks ago...lol, that's a whole different story) broke down right outside of Tampa and we were stuck on the side of the road for almost four hours. My dad was amazing and drove out to help us. We called AAA, had to have the car towed to a mechanic in Tampa (by now it is after 2am), and finally rode back to Orlando with my dad. We got home a little after 4am in the morning. I felt so bad for my dad who still had to work that day. Apparently the engine in the car has some plastic thing on the intake that overtime it cracked from heat and finally completely cracked causing the engine to intake water from the radiator, choking the engine. Needless to say, it should run great now, after a horribly long and stressful night (and week!) and hundreds of dollars later. My Mom is wonderful enough to drive me to Tampa tomorrow to pick up the car.
My parents have been amazing. They have gone above and beyond. Mark and I have been trying to get on our feet since we moved here. Its so frustrating sometimes to be putting in 40 hour weeks (or more) and still have hardly anything to show (if anything). But we keep praying and trusting that God will provide and continue to show us His will for us. We are so thankful for all of the help and support my parents and his parents have given us. Even though we are living with my parents and aren't in a great financial situation, we try to remind each other of the things that we have to be thankful for that a lot of people don't have.
We have a God who loves us and wants us, a Creator who loves us so much that He died just so we would have the opportunity to be with Him forever in paradise. We have each other, we have been through a lot in our relationship and each day we fall more and more in love with each other. We have freedom, we live in a country where we can worship our Lord freely. In Honduras there is currently a Church that is being attacked and persecuted. They have recently had many abductions and even murders. Its very sad. I pray daily for them. We have family, family that loves and supports us no matter what. We have a roof over our head, many people don't right now. We have food and clothes. Again, many people don't. We have a car, a lot of people don't have cars. We have so many other things, the list could just go on and on.
I sometimes wonder in the moment that things go wrong or get hard if God has forgotten me, or forgotten us. While I know that He will never forget me and never lose sight of me, sometimes I get lost in the disappointment and pain. But I am contently reminded of God's goodness and provision. And in those moments that I lose sight of Him, that I let my eyes stray from distraction, God sends people and scripture to remind me of His unfailing love and of the blessings that I have been given.
Prayer Requests:
*That I will continue to make more time for the most important thing in my life: My relationship with God. That I will thirst for Him and His word more and more.
*That Mark and I will continue to grow closer to each other and encourage each other in our walks with God.
*That God will continue to provide for my family, Mark's family and Mark and I.
*That I will find a new (and better) job soon.
*That Mark's dad will find a job and Mark's mom a better job.
*That God will direct me in a career.
*That Mark and I will be prepared for his military career and the time apart.
*For the church in Honduras.
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